1 month ago

Chihuahua dig it happy  ♥  1 note
Cut up

I recently threw caution to the wind by attempting a straight blunt fringe.

I slid back into the faux leather salon chair as the hairdresser’s cape whirled around me and settled, enveloping me in the warm glow of promise. I knew in my heart that this haircut was going to change my life.

It soon became evident my heart was a full of shit. With every snip, a sliver of my dream fluttered to the floor and lay there, a sad reminder of what would never be. The butchery continued for another ten minutes before finally revealing the horror I would have to tolerate for the next 3 months.

I had been transformed into a pudgy 6 year old.

1 month ago

fringe bangs haircut fail

“Can I tell you something about apricots? One in thirty is a good one. It’s such a low percentage fruit.”

Larry David

1 month ago

larry david curb your enthusiasm

1 month ago

karl pilkington moaning of life  ♥  17 notes

1 month ago

community joel mchale  ♥  108 notes

“The one about the fucking hairdresser, the space hairdresser and the cowboy. The guy, he’s got a tin foil pal and a pedal bin. His father’s a robot and he’s fucking fucked his sister. Lego! They’re all made of fucking lego.”

Malcolm Tucker

1 month ago

the thick of it malcom tucker  ♥  3 notes

1 month ago

emu hungry

1 month ago

karl useless lagerfield

“Moisturising your hands before you floss makes for an arduous task.”

Life lessons

1 year ago

moisturise hands floss task life lessons  ♥  4 notes
Irked.

With only a few seats available on the train this morning I had to make a choice, sit next to a man who had his legs spread halfway to China, or try to make a home between a petite man and a pudgy woman. I chose the latter.

My decision appeared to irk the woman. She made a point of ripping the edge of her jacket out from under my thigh with a flourish. She could have easily dodged this injustice by sliding over but she was saving that small gap to the right of her for a special occasion. 

It took five minutes before my tolerance hit rock bottom and I had to jostled my way back out in a bid for freedom. I made a beeline for the man and his record breaking leg spread, which worked out to be the least awkward of the two. Sometimes it’s hard to tell.

1 year ago

train etiquette pudgy leg spread space awkward

1 year ago

bill hader clint eastwood snl harry high pants  ♥  118 notes

1 year ago

life's too short warwick davis  ♥  1 note
The man who wanted his package sent. Immediately.

Last week I listed an item to sell on eBay. I scored 15 watchers, 8 bids and double my asking price. But the warm glow of achievement it brought slid right out of my arse when I saw an email from the buyer.

He asked me if I was thinking about posting the item. He had thought it pertinent to email me this request only one day after issuing payment. Like I’d been sitting here holding on to it for weeks, saying my final goodbyes, and working through my separation anxiety with a therapist.

Holding back the urge to personally deliver the package, into his face, I mailed his ‘precious’ and marked it as shipped. I hope one day he can bring himself to forgive me for my insolence.

1 year ago

ebay deliver immediately package post

“I was blown away by it. I didn’t even think they had an arse.”

Karl Pilkington on a farting snake.

1 year ago

karl pilkington an idiot abroad snake fart  ♥  12 notes

1 year ago

jason sudekis snl fan  ♥  13 notes